Decline Your Way to More ‘Me Time’

‘No’ is one of the first words we learn as toddlers. Anyone who’s spent time with a small child will know the joys of getting this response to every single question and request as they learn the power of the word no. Somewhere along the line, we become less comfortable with saying no. We get to know the consequences of saying no, and the rewards of saying yes. Including less tangible rewards, like social capital. Until suddenly, we’re saying yes to a bit too much, and starting to feel overwhelmed.

The truth is that there are a lot of benefits to saying no. It’s just a matter of getting the timing right. And getting comfortable with saying the word out loud.

When you say no, you’re really saying yes to…

The most obvious win is that you’ll have more time. It’ll be easier to balance your schedule. Whether you’re saying no to a regular commitment or a one-off invitation, you’ll have more wiggle room in your diary.

Energy and focus are a big part of it all. It’s hard to work towards your goals when you’re constantly distracted and occupied with doing favours for other people. And when it comes to sacrificing your time, an hour here doesn’t always equal an hour there. That hour you spend babysitting, moving furniture, staying back after your shift etc. may not seem like much but it all adds up. Do yourself a favour instead – say no, and actively spend the time on something you want or need to do. Consciously devoting the time to something productive can help you offset any residual guilt you’re feeling.

How to say it

The first thing you need to remind yourself of is that it’s not selfish to say no. There’s a saying that goes “you can’t pour from an empty cup”. It means if you’re exhausted, stressed and mentally drained, you can’t be useful to anyone else. A little restorative down time can make a big difference.

When you decline an invitation, be honest and open about why. If you’re sure about your ‘no’, don’t say “maybe, I’ll think about it…”. Tell the person why you’re pulling back. They’ll be able to empathise more than you might expect. If you’re worried about leaving them at a loose end, suggest someone or something else they can turn to next. Or, if their request isn’t time sensitive, propose a time that suits you better.

Can’t decide when to say no?

Remember, it doesn’t have to be your first reaction. Instead, use ‘no’ as a way to claim back your time and resources – and your sanity. Trust your gut; if you have a visceral negative reaction to a request or invitation, it’s a good sign you should turn it down. If you’re on the fence, think about the realistic consequences of you saying no (not the ones where it’s the end of the world and everyone hates you).

If in doubt, just remember the last time someone said no to you. You found an alternative, and so will they. The world will go on without you. And in the meantime, you can work on yourself – or just kick back with a good read and your favourite brew.

i https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/16071764-lean-in